As football fans, we consume so much media on a daily basis about our clubs, and others across the pyramid. Whether it’s reading news stories, watching tactical breakdowns of games, or listening to a favourite podcast, there’s always some footballing content for fans to indulge in. You’re reading another piece of such content right now.
Yet it’s not often we get to read, or even write, about the real gritty and emotional side of sport. If we view football at a high level, we are essentially watching a couple dozen people run around a field once or twice a week, kicking an inflated ball. Looking at it a bit closer, football is an integral part of our heritage and culture, and a beloved pastime.
But I want to talk about football on an even deeper level. A level that perhaps I have only truly tapped into in very recent times. Given it’s Mental Health Awareness Week this week, I figured this would be a better time than any.
The last three months have been the hardest of my life. As a society, we talk a lot about mental health and, for the first time, i’ve come close to understanding how it feels to battle with yourself and your brain every day. I’ve hit new lows, had to seek counselling, and I’m now trying to pick up the pieces of myself.
There have been various challenges, and I find myself searching for the little moments of escapism and joy in trivial things. A tv show, my favourite records, exercise. For a while, nothing was hitting the spot, or scratching the part of my brain that was desperate for the hit of dopamine I was desperately craving.
Football has had a growing importance in my life over the last five years. I’ve written many times about how i’ve reconnected with the game, and how I dream of a career in sports journalism. Yet it took reaching this low point to recognise the power of football, and the significant role it plays in our lives.
So, this is a love letter to our beautiful game.
The funny thing about being a football fan is the way we hold our clubs and everything that surrounds them in such high regard, despite so often being disappointed or let down by on-or-off field activity. The relationships we have with our football clubs are the most rocky, emotional and (sometimes) toxic in our lives.
It’s this whirlwind of emotions that sucks us in – an addiction – and gets our bums on seats every weekend. We go running back to them, even after the pain of being let down time and time again, absorbed by the lingering feeling of success and hope we felt from previous victories.
Unai Emery’s appointment at Villa was an inspired one, we see that now, but at the time I could not have anticipated how he would flourish at the club, and how his impact would be a lifeline for me. There was a big buzz around his arrival, and that has carried on pretty consistently since, coming to a head in recent weeks with Villa’s stifling form.
Aston Villa under Unai Emery has given us all a reason to smile. On a Monday morning, the start of the working week for most, things can often feel flat. Maybe we don’t want to get out of bed when the alarm blares, or perhaps the start of a new week is daunting – a whole five days ahead before the weekend. But when your football team is doing well, everything feels just that little bit better – brighter. Some of us enjoy the bragging rights with local colleagues or friends, while others lap up hours worth of content to relive moments of glory.
For me, Villa’s upward trajectory has given me something to look forward to, and much needed escapism. Getting wholeheartedly lost in the adrenaline and excitement of checking our league positioning – for the fifth time in one day – is often the small boost I need to keep going. I can talk about Villa and feel a bit giddy. That feeling of happiness in its purest form that I have needed so badly. Not to mention the precious feeling of turning to celebrate with my Dad in the stands of Villa Park and completely forgetting the rest of the world around me.
It feels good to be passionate about something, and have that undying support rewarded with results. It’s a medicine that cannot be prescribed, observed, held nor taken. By no means a cure, but certainly a temporary antidote to sadness.
Now, i’d be writing a very different piece right now if Villa were doing typical Villa things and dropping points every week. I’m aware that we’re very much riding the high waves at the moment and we will feel the low moments just as intensely. But it’s good to feel it all.
I think about all the times i’ve read stories from fans, particularly men, who find football extremely cathartic. It’s a discourse that has appeared more over recent years as we come to acknowledge the pivotal role that sport plays in the health and wellbeing of the human race. Experiencing this first hand has been a fascinating experience – finding myself deeply connected to a game that holds my happiness in the palm of its hand.
There’s a lesson we can all learn from sports fans. Feel everything intently, deeply and passionately; the way we do in the stands of our beloved stadiums. Complete euphoria or crushing disappointment – every emotion is there to be felt and observed. Even the ones that feel rotten. And at the same time, throw yourself into the things you love and become unapologetically obsessed with it all.
For me, getting wrapped up in the whirlwind of Aston Villa has picked me up off the ground and dusted me down, reminding me that there are so many feelings to experience out there, and so many of them good ones. Appreciate the excitement, anger, hope and sadness – they all help us to take the next step forward.
To our beautiful game, thank you for being my crutch, and the crutch to so many of us who just need these moments to escape. For those of us that need to chat about something trivial in the office or down the pub, because it simply feels good. What would we do without it, eh?
Hannah x
AUTHOR | HANNAH GOWEN
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2 Responses
Hi Hannah. A friend of mine once said, he was concerned about his 14 year old daughter getting to carried away at the football. She was to excited after a win and upset after a loss. I struggled to explain thats what supporting a football team was all about. Your story is another reason my friend has nothing to worry about and should instead embrace football ay? ps love the podcast with the others. UTV.
Great article Hannah! So glad Villa have helped you through some tough times. Let’s hope they continue to cheer us all up! UTV!
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